Fic: Awkward Carson/Teyla FRT (1/1)

Marie had chased him from the infirmary, insisting he needed food. Carson reluctantly agreed and had gone to the mess. It was empty, the quiet a comfort to him. He might look like their friend, but Carson could tell that the people he thought he knew didn't completely feel comfortable around him. He wasn't their Carson. It hurt but he didn't have time to grieve or feel sorry for himself. Jennifer needed his help. It was the least he could do after she had solved the problem of his deteriorating cells.

He ate mechanically, poured himself a second cup of coffee as he sat alone, contemplating his fate. He would be going back to Earth soon. He'd probably not get to see anything outside of the SGC. His mother thought he was dead. Better that she believe that than try to explain his existence. He'd be leaving the people he thought of as family. Carson wasn't sure how he would bear it, but it was a bridge to cross later.

He looked up when he heard footsteps. Teyla was crossing the room, her arms carrying her child. His heart twinged. The last time he had seen her, she had been pregnant, lovely as ever, trying to get away from Michael. Colonel Sheppard had kept his promise. She was safe, her child was safe. There were so many things he had wanted to say to her, to ask of her before but there hadn't been enough time. It pained him to think that there was someone in her life. He inwardly cursed himself, and his other self, for not being confident enough to voice their feelings.

“Would you mind if I joined you?” Teyla asked as she approached the table slowly.

“No, I could do with some company,” he said.

She sat next to him, careful to not disturb her son. Carson dared to take a glance. The child was robust and healthy, a little lighter in color than his mother, but still beautiful.

“His name is Torren,” she offered.

“For the father?” Carson asked. It was an automatic question. He wasn't really sure that he wanted to know.

“No, his father...his father is no longer with us. I miss him very much.”

There was such sadness in her voice. Carson wanted to reach out to her but wasn't sure he should. The baby stirred for a moment, blinking open bright blue eyes and yawning before settling down again. Carson couldn't think of any Athosians that had blue eyes. So the father was either from another planet, one of their allies perhaps, or one of the Atlanteans. He ran through a mental list of personnel and could think of a few who could qualify.

“I am glad to know that you are well again,” Teyla said abruptly. “When I saw you in Michael's complex, I thought it a dream. I am sorry that we did not know of your existence.”

“It's okay. I stayed alive on the hope that I would see the city and my friends again. I'm glad that the real me was here for you. And I'm sorry if my presence here brings up sad memories.”

She gave him a look. He wasn't sure if she was angry or sad or perhaps a little of both.

“You are as real as he was, Carson. The memories you have are his. It is a little difficult to think of you being here, but if you were not I never would have escaped from Michael.”

It was definitely sadness. Teyla turned her concentration to her son. A tear rolled down her cheek. Carson passed her a napkin silently. She took it with a small smile.

“I am sorry. Jennifer says it is the hormones. I will be fine.”

“Teyla,” Carson paused, unsure of how to ask. “Torren's father...was he...did you...?”

“Yes,” she answered softly. “Our Carson, the other Carson, is his father. He and I...I loved him.”

Carson felt a swift pang of bitterness that his counterpart had what he had always dreamed of, but he could not hold onto that feeling for long. This child, it was a part of him in a way and it warmed his heart that both of them had this legacy.

“Thank you. Did he know?”

She shook her head. “No. I believe that Torren was conceived the day before the...the incident. We were lovers for a long time. He would have asked for my hand I think had....”

“He would have. I would have. It's what we both wanted, a family. Does my...his mother know?”

“No, she does not. It has been a source of contention between myself and the IOC. They feel it would compromise the secrecy of the Stargate Program. I think in time my son will know his father's family.”

“I hope so too,” Carson said. “May I?” he nodded to the baby.

Teyla smiled and passed Torren to him. Carson looked at this miracle that the fates had given his counterpart and in some way, given him. If he could be allowed to stay he wondered if he would have a chance to woo Teyla. But it would not be so. He was not her Carson despite what she said. No, he would go to Earth and let Teyla grieve, let her move on. He passed Torren back.

“Thank you. From both of us.”

She took Torren and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He closed his eyes and resisted the urge to kiss her back. She was not his. Instead he opened his eyes, smiled and squeezed her hand. He would treasure the memory of this moment.

“Dr. Beckett, you're needed in the infirmary, stat!”

“I have to go,” he said standing.

“I understand,” she said.

He left, not daring to turn back. He would fix this problem, go to Earth and try to forget the endless what ifs that sprung up in his mind. He was not the Carson that belonged on Atlantis.