Fic: Finding Out a Secret HIMYM/Avengers crossover FRT (1/1)
Barney/Robin, implied Thor/Jane, Clint/Natasha, Bruce/Darcy, Tony/Pepper/Steve
Spoilers: for the movie and up to the current season of HIMYM
Summary: for the Avengers kinkmeme, Lesbian Robin is really Maria Hill
Disclaimer: not mine!
Distribution: want it? Just ask.
Author’s notes: so this is what happens when I am trolling through the kinkmeme prompts looking for more fic. I don’t even know how this happened to me, I’ve never entertained the thought of writing in either of these fandoms and yet here you go, a fic. The prompter wanted Maria/Barney, but I just couldn’t do it.
Hey kids, remember how I told you about our doppelgangers? Did I ever tell you that Aunt Robin’s was a secret agent? No? Well, it goes something like this….
Maria was more than happy when she got to ditch the butch undercover identity. She loved New York, just not when she was pretending to be someone else. This assignment has particularly long and hard and she was ready to hook up with Natasha for a night of drinks and gossip.
It has all started out so easy and then Robin Scherbatsky had shown up. Maria had been willing to give it all up then and there, but Fury made her stick it out and maybe this might be a good thing. It turned out he was right because she used Scherbatsky’s name and work to scheme her way into a few minor crime rings, which led to bigger busts and generally saving the world as SHIELD agents were wont to do.
She knows that Scherbatsky and her friends glimpsed her once, though she kept right on walking as if she hadn’t seen them. She found their local watering hole and put a bug on their booth. This is where she found out about the whole ‘doppelganger’ theory and knew her cover was safe. Fury wouldn’t consent to wiring their homes, but when Stinson and then Erikson went to work for GNB, she had no problem bugging their offices. It helped that GNB was a subsidiary of SHIELD (several times removed of course).
She learned of money problems, Mosby’s constant search for “the one”, Stinson’s one night stands, and all the other things that came with such a close knit group of friends. She wasn’t sure why she kept listening. When Stinson and Scherbatsky got together, she may have cheered. Oh sure, she may have contemplated sleeping with him, even going so far as to talk to some of his conquests. They didn’t deny he was good in bed. But Maria wasn’t the kind of woman to break up a serious relationship. She mentally called them dumb when they broke up. She thought about playing Scherbatsky and telling him off, but evil villains tried to take over the world and she was away from New York for a while.
When she got back there were months and months of tapes to catch up on. Sometime between then and now she had started thinking of them as friends. Barney and Robin were still circling each other, Ted was still searching, Marshall had lost his dad, but Lily was expecting, so things kind of balanced out. Maria thought about sending a gift, but wasn’t sure to go about doing that. These people had become a kind of family for her, though she still had SHIELD and maybe the Avengers, if Fury’s hints were anything to go on.
Barney finally dumped the stripper (what had he been thinking when he proposed to her!) and he and Robin got back together. Maria tried not to think that she was living vicariously through Robin, just because they looked alike.
The five of them survived the Battle of Manhattan (as the tabloids were calling it) unscathed. Though Barney kept claiming he’d seen Thor through the window of his GNB office, which was entirely possible given superheroes and aliens. Sometime later, Barney and Robin got married. Maria was happy for them, if a little envious. Then something came down the pipe and she needed to approach Stinson for his help. With GNB as a part of SHIELD, she knew exactly what he did for a living, even if no one else did. This enabled her access to his office, and there she was sitting at his desk one Monday afternoon when he walked in.
“Robin, you’re early.”
“Mr. Stinson,” Maria began.
He waggled an eyebrow. “Mr. Stinson, huh? It’s going to be one of those lunches,” he said as he began to loosen his tie. He was an attractive man, she had to admit, but he was by all accounts a happily married man.
Robin chose that moment to walk in, rummaging in her purse and oblivious to everything going on in the office. “Barney, sorry I’m late but traffic was murder.”
Barney looked at Maria, then to Robin and back to her. Robin finally looked up and said, “Hey, don’t I know you?”
Maria smirked. “You kind of do, I think you called me ‘lesbian Robin’.”
Barney gasped “Doppelganger!” pointing his finger and bouncing like he had on The Price is Right. (Yes Maria was a fan.)
“Yes, that’s me,” Maria smiled patiently. “Except that I’m not a lesbian. My name is Agent Maria Hill and I’m here for your help Mr. Stinson.”
“My help? What on earth could you need my help for?”
“It has to do with your job.”
“But nobody knows what he does,” Robin said.
“Please,” Maria and Barney intoned together.
“You know what I do?” Barney almost squeaked.
“Mr. Stinson, the Agency I work for is practically the parent company for GNB, so I have access to everything you’ve done.”
“Yes, but I know you and your wife have no secrets. I need you help negotiating a treaty between certain parties. All you have to do is sign the Non-disclosure agreements.” She reached under the desk, brought out a briefcase and opened it to a mound of papers.
“Wait a minute, what is it do you want me to do exactly?”
“I can’t tell you that until you sign the agreement.”
“Will he be in any danger?” Robin asked.
“No, he won’t. Have you heard of the Avengers?”
Barney’s face lit up. “I get to meet Captain America?”
“You might. Sign the agreement, Mr. Stinson. You too, Mrs. Stinson, you might be able to help in ways we haven’t thought of yet.”
Barney started reading, and looked up at Maria. “You know, lesbian Robin was one of my five. I guess I’ll have to change it to Maria Hill.”
Maria saw Robin rolling her eyes. She tapped her husband on his arm. “Do I have to remind you that all of the male Avengers make up my five?” Barney just kept reading.
And that kids, is how your Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin got to attend Thor’s wedding. You saw the feature in People. And Barney swears this is exactly how it went. There was lots of drinking and toasting, lots of talking about things that were probably classified. Thor and Jane were completely in love. Hawkeye and Black Widow kind of seemed to have a thing. Bruce Banner, you know, Hulk, was involved with another SHIELD agent, Darby or Darla, no Darcy. There may have been talk about a foursome. And Barney swears by all that is holy that Tony Stark, Pepper Potts and Steve Rogers (that’s Iron Man and Captain America) are in a threesome. But you know how your Uncle Barney likes to exaggerate. So that’s how we found out that Robin’s doppelganger was a secret agent.